Oscar Fashion Recap

I don’t like to make predictions regarding award shows because I am normally wrong. What I like to do is wait until the awards are handed out and then tell everyone, “I knew he/she was going to win!” This way everyone thinks I am smart or wonders if I have ESP. However, my most favorite activity is dissecting everyone’s glamorous attire.

I must give give a shout out to some of my ladies who were looking good last night … Anne Hathaway (although every time I look at her she looks whiter and thinner), Penelope Cruz, and I don’t care what everyone else says, I thought Marisa Tomei looked stunning. Light colors were definitely the trend on the carpet. And of course, black, but you can’t go wrong with black.

Some ladies – not so much. What was wrong with Jessica Biel? She looked like a real mess. Also Miley Cyrus … honestly, go home, slap some braces on, wait a few years, and maybe you’ll stand a chance of looking like a normal person. I like how she said, “I have a movie coming out this year. Maybe next year I’ll be nominated,” … ugh, I think not. This is the Oscars for cripes sake, not the Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Awards. Even my beloved SJP was looking off last night. I will say that since I saw her wearing those hoof-ish shoes last week, I’ve been a little turned off. Do you need someone to tell you to distance yourself as much as possible from anything equine-esque? And I am sorry, I might be drinking the hater-ade, but Beyonce, just because your mother is a ‘designer,’ doesn’t mean she is any good at it. We all remember HeidiWood, don’t we?

Last, but certainly not least, the gentlemen all looked quite dapper. I don’t know if they can really get it wrong, but I will say, Mickey Rourke came dangerously close. But honestly, what else should one expect from a Jean-Paul Gaultier tuxedo? I must cut the man some slack; his is the comeback of the century and he just lost his dog. Robert Downey Jr., … dang … if being a recovering heroin addict makes you look that good, well, stick a needle in my arm and give me the black tar.

I’m so sad that award season is over … I live for this stuff. And Miley, please, I implore you, take my advice and sit next year out.