One Decade Later

As everyone is well aware, this September 11th marks 10 years since my city, New York, was attacked. I was 16 at the time … the time has flown and I am now a few days away from celebrating my 26th birthday. It’s wild to me that a decade has already passed. I remember when I was in college, it was two years later and that wound was still raw. I was talking to a friend from home and we were discussing how people from outside of New York really didn’t understand. My roommate at the time overheard this and was mildly offended … they were very close to the Pentagon and also felt a real sense of tragedy. She was right and I immediately felt bad for saying something like that It’s true that what happened in DC was terrible and just as unthinkable. But for whatever reason, I just feel that being in New York, while there is a sense of ‘life goes on,’ there is also a constant reminder of what was lost. I can’t imagine 10 years later she is sitting at home blogging about it or still cries whenever she thinks about it.

In the ten years since 9/11, I have never gone down to the site of the towers. I could never really bring myself to get there. Once, I had a job interview in Jersey City and I had to take the Path, which has an entrance at 70 Vesey. Coming out of the station, it happened so quickly and I was so shocked that I don’t really count that as a seeing it. It was more pure horror and sadness. So I proceeded to run away without looking back. Today I had a half-day from work and it was too beautiful to go home so I decided to go for a stroll. My initial destination was Battery City Park, but I think subconsciously I knew exactly where I was headed. I don’t know what possessed me … I was so drawn there. I felt like a woman on a mission. Seeing the new tower that is currently being built didn’t really strike me. I had no sense of the largeness of the site. I crossed over to Liberty Street where I could really assess the grounds. Heartbreaking. It was then and it is now.

I even went into the WTC Visitor’s Center where I paid $15 to relive that day. A note said that all proceeds went to the victims’ families. I plan on confirming that. I didn’t stay long because I was completely disgusted by some of the people there. A gentleman yapping on his phone asking someone, What, uh, what, firehouse was this one from, yada, yada and teenage siblings bickering with each other. I totally separated myself from the group and scanned the wall for photos. Then I scanned the wall for the names. And then I started crying. That must have been the common emotion in that particular corner because there were two boxes of tissues just sitting there, as if someone knew I was going to breakdown. I could have been there two minutes or I could have been there two hours, I can’t be totally sure.

I am completely envious of those people that can visit downtown Manhattan and the site of the Twin Towers and feel like that part of their life is over. To just be able to look around and think, oh yeah, that was terrible. That it’s nothing but a somewhat distant memory at this point. I wasn’t ready to visit 10 years ago, and I’m not sure I ever would have been ‘ready.’ I can’t say that I am happy that I went or that I got some sense of closure from visiting. I can only say that I’ve been there … that I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Maybe when the actual memorial is open to the public, once the people have left, perhaps in another 10 years, before I turn 36, I will go back. I will always feel sad when it comes to 9/11. Sad for the people whose lives were truly affected, sad for the people that I love that lost, sad for New York, and sad for what could have been and didn’t have the chance to be.

It’s totally true – we will never forget.