Day of Days

It finally happened. Like for real, happened. Officially official … the whole deal.

As of 5:47pm, April 21, 2011, I have officially been hired. That’s right, HIRED! Besides being beyond thrilled at the idea that I am working for a real deal company, doing something that I like, and having a group of co-workers, I am so relieved. Relieved that I don’t have to job search anymore (at least for a long while). For the first time in about three years, when I got my daily Cynthia’s Cynopsis, I deleted it. Like totes trashed it, not to be seen from or heard from again. No reason to keep it, want to know why? Because I am gainfully employed.

There is a real ring to that. It’s music to my ears. I woke up this morning and thought, is this a dream? How could this even be? But alas, I pinched myself and it was not a dream. The phone call I had the night before was real! Really, real! As you can tell, I am very excited. I don’t know the last time that I felt this jubilant. There are no words that would aptly describe how I feel right now, but I know for sure that there has been a significant change in my life. This will forever be what I refer to as my first job. As my launching pad, as some kind of life shaping step that I took. Maybe that is a bit of a stretch, but at this exact moment, that is how I am feeling. I feel like I might burst with possibility. It’s unlike anything I have ever experienced. The only thing that I even equate it to would be going away to college Freshman year. Even that though is not exactly the same because it was totally time-bound. This feels infinite.

In less than 20 hours my entire outlook has changed. Doesn’t it seem sunnier and more lovely than usual? Weren’t there bluebirds chirping at your window this morning? I think they even came into the apartment, helped me clean up AND get dressed this morning! (Or maybe that was the cleaning lady, Ruby). I feel like I am a walking advertisement for those depression drugs. I used to have a dark cloud hanging over me, but now, it’s gone! Just like that, MAGIC. No pill necessary, just an offer letter.

Everyone keeps saying that they are so proud, that I deserve it, and you know what?, I DO. I fucking deserve this. Sorry if my foul language has offended someone, but it’s true. I am modest in so many ways, but not about how hard I have been working toward this moment. I really do deserve it. This is the way that it was meant to be. Working the past three years and not being totally happy has made me feel grateful, humbled, and totally lucky that I have this opportunity now.

When I went to my cousin’s wedding last year, I looked really nice. I knew that I was looking good too (by the by, I spent a fortune to look that way, but that is neither here nor there). Anyway, I told myself that if anyone complimented me, I would say ‘thank you.’ Not, ‘oh, no’ or ‘you don’t have to say that.’ And it was the right thing to do. When someone compliments you, you thank them. It’s not being self-centered or conceited ... it's being respectful of them and their opinion. So the next time someone says to me, ‘Nina, congratulations on the job,’ I am just going to say, ‘thanks so much – I really appreciate that.’

And I do. I really, really, really do.